Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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