Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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