He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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