All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize