The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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