Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
