Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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