I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My friends, they love my intelligence
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize