who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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