The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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