ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
