feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
