i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize