did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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