Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
