love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
