I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
