Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
