Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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