walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
