I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
