why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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