I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
