You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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