We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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