Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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