are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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