we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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