My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
