I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
