My hand turned me down
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
