I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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