i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
