Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
