They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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