i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
