my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
