I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
