I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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