Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
