I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
worst night to have a conscience
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
