Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
