just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
