I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
