Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
