I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize