So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
