im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
