Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
