he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
