she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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