Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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