Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
