Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
