I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
