wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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