Betty ford says i'm here all night
from now on my penis is your penis
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
