are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
