he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
