I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Congratulations! We have a period
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