we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
