totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I party with great urgency now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize