just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
