yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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