Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
