New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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