That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
