Will you blow on my dice?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
