I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My ATM looks so different sober.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
