Just fell off a train. Bad.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
