bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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