As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
