i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
