you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
