But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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