Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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