its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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