You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
