idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
