T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
