youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
