Small penises have feelings too.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
