I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
they're like a gay fantastic four
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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