Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
