Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
