This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
