The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You dont lie about slip and slides
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
