i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize