I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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