Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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