My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
