sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
