I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
