i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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