just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
