Bisexual people are plain selfish.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
