I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
