how can u be prego again
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
