I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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