I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
