Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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