Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
