BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
