also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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