Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
