I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
