just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
