You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
