Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
