Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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