im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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