absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
