smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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