Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sext me about skeletons
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
