Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
