Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
