Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
