i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
