haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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